June 2010
83 posts
Hey
I still can’t talk, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m not ignoring you. :-)
I love you. And, God, how I miss you.
Spending time on this sleepy ship with these weary people is making me tired…
tired…
tired…
And admittedly, a bit grumpy.
I’ve taken to curling up in my little bed by the window, curtains drawn and lights off. It’s a cave of some-sort. I can feel the rocking of the boat and here the singing of the china in the dinning hall. It’s all dulled and distant, but...
“But as long as I remember what it was like to love you, I’ll always feel...”
– Casandra Clare, City of Glass
Romeo and Juliet Were Selfish Idiots.
Who decided that “love” was just a synonym for “selfish”?
Because that’s all it is, isn’t it? You fall in love with someone and suddenly you think you need them; like air or water. It’s a fierce desperation that leaves you hot and cold, and sweet and bitter. It’s everything you never wanted to feel, all at once. Like throwing yourself off a bridge...
From "Youth in Revolt" by C.D. Payne
Nick: I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.
__________________
Nick: Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable?
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Nick: Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships.
__________________
From: Cowboy Bebop
Spike Spiegel: Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I've been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So, I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture. I felt like I was watching a dream I could never wake up from. Before I knew it, the dream was over.
____________________________________________________________________________
Jet: Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of starts and stops. There are ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable, we have to face them. It's what being human is all about.
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Spike: Once, there was a tiger striped cat. This cat, died a million deaths, revived and lived a million lives. And he had various owners that he didn't really care about, the cat wasn't afraid to die. Then ONE day, he met a white female cat, the two of them fell in love and lived together happily. Well, the year's went by and the white female cat got old and passed away. The Tiger Striped cat cried a million times, then he also died. But this time.....he didn't come back.
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Julia: It's all... a dream...
Spike Spiegel: Yeah... just a dream...
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Jet Black: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye Valentine: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet Black: I see.
Faye Valentine: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
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“There’s an ancient saying in Japan, that life is like walking from one...”
– Feed by M.T. Anderson
How, might I ask, do worldly movie stars (such as yourself) get themselves grounded? I mean really…that’s absurd. I have this dreadful, sinking, feeling that it has something to do with me and our constant communication. Maybe your mom doesn’t like me very much?
Rest assured, this has nothing to do with you. I was just being a bit too… surly. You know me and my mouth. For the record: my...
“Sometimes I don’t get you,’ I said.
She didn’t even glance at...”
– - John Green, Looking For Alaska
[One of my favorites. Always.]
“Here’s to all the places we went. And all the places we’ll go. And...”
– John Green, Abundance of Katherines
“‘When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks...”
– Joh Green, Paper Towns
From William Shakespeare's Twelfth Night
Antonio: Will you stay no longer? Nor will not that I go with you?
Sebastian: By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over me; the malignancy of my fate might, perhaps, distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your leave that I may bear my evils alone. It were a bad recompense for your love to lay any of them on you.
How
might I ask, do worldly movie stars (such as yourself) get themselves grounded? I mean really…that’s absurd. I have this dreadful, sinking, feeling that it has something to do with me and our constant communication. Maybe your mom doesn’t like me very much?
Speaking of which…you should try to get your mom to like me. My Mom is chomping at the bit to get you down here and...
Grrrrr....
Not cool! You get an awesome vacation and I’m left with slave-labor housework.
>:-|
Kidding. I hope Europe is treating you right. Miss you, beautiful.
Sincerely,
A Very Grounded Westie
P.S. Guess who read Looking for Alaska yesterday.
Yeah, so...
No phone or computer privileges for 7 days… Meaning I’ll have to sneak online (like now) to tell you I love you.
Tripping.
I’m printing out The Sandman dialogue for my plane ride. It’s going in a packet of papers title “Memorize Me!” I also have a very intimidating playlist of 36 songs on my ipod titled “Practice Me!”
I wonder how my ability to memorize will hold up when I’m in Europe…It’s quiet the dodgy situation actually…
But I have to get this script in...
“Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt”
– Slaughterhouse 5
Today,
at exactly 10:40am my Junior year of school ended.
At 11:15 I realized that it would end as silently, and pathetically as I hoped it would begin.
I would not say any of the important things I wanted to say to the people I needed to see.
I would not do any of the things I ought to do.
Instead, I just slipped into my car and drove away.
No excitement.
No words.
No warm embraces or empty...
“The boy never cried again and he never forgot what he had learned: To love is to...”
– City of Bones by Cassandra Clare
From Neil Gaiman's The Sandman
ROSE: Have you ever been in love?
DESIRE: You might say that.
ROSE: Horrible, isn't it?
DESIRE: In what way?
ROSE: It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way to your heart.
DESIRE: How picturesque.
ROSE: It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that.
Especially not love.
I hate love.
“You think because you toss this word ‘love’ around like a frisbee...”
– Nuts (1987)
Director: Martin Ritt
Writer: Tom Topor (play and screenplay)
Monologue: Barbra Steisand (female lead)
Maybe I really am a home-wrecker.
You make people’s lives better, not worse. You aren’t trying steal any guy. And you aren’t dating a married man* Doesn’t that make you the diametric antithesis of a home-wrecker?
*(as far as I know)
Honest Movies:
Tell me, what movies do you think are most sincere (sometimes brutally honest), especially in their depictions of youth and relationships?
I would say:
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Almost Famous
Stand By Me
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
High Fidelity
The Girl Next Door
***
16 Candles
The Breakfast Club
Mean Girls (ha!)
Books:
Looking For Alaska
Speak
Wintergirls
So....
Oddly enough, the sour night turned somewhat sweet again. I ended up watching the Lakers game with friends and got a lot of my angst out through some screaming, cheering, and laughing. I don’t even like watching basketball, or sports in general, but the hanging out part was fun, and it gave me some good chill-down time to gain perspective.
So, basically, earlier I had received bad news on...
Look,
You don’t have to answer that text from tonight right now. I know that’s a… weird thing to drop nonchalantly like that. But, I wanna talk about it tomorrow night, or whenever. I know it’s complicated and all, but I think it’ll be good to discuss, for both of us.
Anyways, I love you… see you on the flipside.
I Feel Like The Playing Field
is pretty even already.
But I’m up for answering anything you throw at me.
Good luck.
If You...
Inflate my ego any more, I just might float away. To quote Almost Famous: “I am a Golden God!”.
Tee hee. But, no, far from it. Oh, and that’s not fair, you get to see my first kiss. Methinks you owe me some embarrassing info about whatever I wanna ask you about. You know, just to… even the playing field. *wink*
YAY CAMERON!
YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
Tired
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.
TIRED.
YeahIthinkthataboutcoversit.
Love that dance...
And it looks pretty do-able. Ha, I’d totally be into trying to learn it with you for a few hours when I come visit. Besides, I wouldn’t mind cuddling outside on the ground together for a while. ;-)
We can't choose who we love, but we can love who...
Ugh, had dreams featuring you again last night. I can’t really remember them, but I know they weren’t pleasant. Why can’t I have happy dreams like everyone else?
Sanity...
is overrated.
Nothing says “romance” like a musty, windowless room.
Sparknotes, How you betrayed me.
How am I supossed to do my homework when this was the article on the homepage of Sparknotes.com? Seriously?
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/10/how-to-make-a-basement-date-romantic
Will you tell me about your dreams?
Bedtime stories are my favorite!
I Got The Part I Auditioned For!
Which is exciting…and I’m really happy!
Because now I get to play this junkie girl who sleeps with a drug dealer for…you guessed it…drugs! I’m bouncing up and down with joy! Just call me Miriam ladies and gents.
Ahaha.
My comp card photos also came in! Win! Just in time for the 23rd for the talent review. But I won’t even be in town…cause I’ll be...
